Every writer, I assume, feels the pangs of self-doubt.
Well, I had that disease in cascading hills these past few days. I wasn’t sure if I had what it takes to continue being a writer.
My first novella is on its 8th revision and I am making drastic revisions to the style. The revising process is a brutal one where every word, every sentence, every paragraph is weighed, assessed, and challenged. And, after eight revisions, I’m honestly exhausted.
So, I asked God to give me a sign. Even though He has given his blessing with my writing, I need that reassurance, again. Because the journey is long and filled with dark days of self-doubt, and Sisyphean tasks.
On Saturday I saw the movie A Star is Born with Lady Gaga as Ally and Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine. Well, Jackson’s artistic compass was that an artist has something to say to the world and the world will listen. This mantra rattled in my head every time he mentioned it in its various forms throughout the movie.
Then, I watched a preview for the movie The Wife starring Glenn Close. Her Golden Globe win yesterday prompted me to view it. I didn’t know it was about a wife that abandoned her own writing career to support her narcissistic husband who at the onset of the movie is nominated for the coveted Literary Pulitzer Prize.
In the movie, during their early years as professor and student, he says that a writer has something to say.
Again, the same message.
Tonight I was taking one of my relaxing, meditative baths and I was running the scenes of a yet unwritten movie in my head. I have so many ideas, so many characters, so many women’s voices that need to shout to the word.
I realized that I have something to say. I have stories to tell. I have characters that yearn to sing to an audience.
There might me miles yet before I am an accomplished, published, and respected writer, but I can’t stop too long on this boulder of self-pity and self-doubt. The resources will be given to me along the path, but I mustn’t tarry and lose sight of the path. I must keep moving forward. Because I do have something to say.