It’s been a long time since I put thoughts down on virtual page.
My life has been a roller coaster of heart issues and anxiety. Both of which are admittedly self perpetuating. I’ve developed heart palpitations most likely because of years of anxiety and stress. When I get them it doubles down on my anxiety like a fiending roulette player. It’s a cyclical mess that I know has been instigated by my anxiety and fear.
But, lucky me. I have visited some amazing cities this year. I’ve been to Charleston, South Carolina twice, New York City, and today, I am in Boston.
Even with the heart palpitations.
I am on a search to find the verve back in my step. I need to fight my way to a healthier mindset and shed the beasts of anxiety and depression.
As I stated recently to a close friend of mine, the demons are already slain, but their shadows remain, making me fearful.
So, I sit in my hotel room in Boston realizing how blessed I am even though I am still anxious and fearful.
But, I still press on. I must.
Yesterday we walked through Boston Public Gardens and we spied two wheel chair bound, severely disabled people taking a stroll with each other. The one, slightly more able than the other, was controlling the wheelchair of his beloved whose hands and arms curled up against her body, her muscles rigged.
And, here I am, walking on two legs, my only debilitations anxiety and depression, and a few dozen benign heart palpitations during the day.
I am lucky. Now I just have to convince my brain and my heart that everything is just fine, and there is still a whole life left to live on this amazing planet filled with interesting, complex souls whose stories still need to be told.