Below is an excerpt from an email I sent a friend. He’s in a new place in his life and we talked about how he feels like he’s losing himself in a relationship and a situation. All through the night, I reflected on it, and this was my response to him the next day. I hope my readers can also find some solace or erudition in it.
“In relationships we always tend to lose ourselves. But, we also find ourselves in new territories where we learn more about ourselves. We give ourselves away to rediscover ourselves. This is the gift and terror of relationships. But, there is also a downside.
In some relationships we lose ourselves, but we aren’t rejuvenated from that loss. We are depleted. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.
When I walk away from you, I feel enlivened. That’s the sign of a beneficial, healthy relationship. I’ve been in some where I am depleted walking away, more confused, and unsure of myself. That isn’t healthy. The universe is teaching me the difference between the two. So, I guess you have to ask yourself, are you being depleted or rejuvenated?
You are a writer, the lion, the magician, a lover, a friend, a son, a brother, a mentor, a business owner, an intellectual, a Buddhist…and so many more I can’t think of, or I don’t know.
You can’t lose any part of yourself unless you choose to do so. Love is the acceptance of the person, or situation exactly where they are or it is in this moment in time. If you feel like your losing yourself…is it in a new, undiscovered land filled with intoxicating possibilities, or is it a dark, muddy hole where your grasping at the lip trying to free yourself?
Only you can answer that question. You are one of the smartest, most dynamic men I know. You already know the answer. Or, change your perspective of the answer.”