This blog won’t be one of my eloquent ones. I’m hoping for some catharsis. I’ve been seeking it for a week now.
Today I go to my friend’s funeral. Someone who I have known my whole life, and is actually more family than friend.
She died of complications associated with cancer. She died last week. Six months after my mother died of her last heart attack.
I’ve had to come to grips with that entity that awaits every living thing on this planet. That being that gives life its flavor. Death.
I’m a Christian. Which, I guess means I should be comfortable with death. Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m still human and I am not comforted by the idea that one day I will see my loved ones again in paradise.
Not when my friend leaves behind her ten year old and fifteen year old daugthers. Death and its scythe, cancer, just feel like unfair assholes that play roulette with whichever body bag they have in front of them.
So, I have watched the movies The Shack, and The Case for Christ, and the author that that experienced the supernatural happenings of The Conjuring.
Why? I don’t know. Because I’m hoping that Death can be beaten. That even though our time here on this earth is precious, even in the midst of horror, that Death is beatable. That the beauty that is the human soul is not only neurons firing in unique patterns in our gray matter, but something more, something ethereal. Beautiful, complex, a star more brilliant than anything in the heavens.
I seek, like every human before me, after me, and currently, for a greater meaning in life. I seek, because I am human.
I know that I will miss my friend, that I miss my mother. I know that life is so precious and shouldn’t be wasted on petty arguments and faulty expectations of others.
I wish I could offer more profound learnings. But, I can’t. Cancer is a motherfucker. I hate it and we need to find a cure.
Life is precious. Don’t waste it. Find your dream. That which makes your soul sing, and follow the song. Be gentle, be kind. I leave you with these three quotes. Because I haven’t found the words yet to express myself. Luckily better people have.