I lost a friendship almost two years ago and I mourned that relationship. Over this summer the universe brought us together on the exact same day to the emergency room for two completely seperate reasons. Mine was for the start of a lifestyle change, hers was for emergency surgery to save her life.
I thought the universe thrust us together to reconnect, to start anew. But, now I think it was for another reason. We tried over the long holiday to reach a date we could both meet, in person, for the first time since our blow up in the June of 2015.
We didn’t agree on a date, both being very busy women. In that time she replied to a comment on social media that made me wonder about her continued underlying assumptions and judgements about my life and choices. It put me on alert.
Then, a thought came to me, an impression of her reality. Even with her fortunate surgery that saved her life. That still, quiet voice that has spoken clearly, like twinkling lights in the darkness, in my life revealed a truth to me.
“She is in a shroud of darkness. Why do you think she clothes herself in black?”
That simple, and true. Her wardrobe consists of only black clothes, as if she is in perpetual mourning. During our active friendship, I often left our conversations drained and judged. I began to hide things from her and only focus on certain topics of conversation.
But, that’s not a friendship. Friendships should invigorate, and not drain. Maybe the universe thrust us together to give me the opportunity to walk away and finally say goodbye to a friendship that was more drain than joy.