It has been quite a bit of time since last I’ve written. Some crazy health issues, either triggered by or products of my anxiety, have derailed my life for a bit. The puzzle isn’t completely resolved, but I have a better handle on it now. At this moment. That doesn’t mean that tomorrow might not be another set of stressors.
Yesterday I went to a women’s Christian conference. It’s called Girlfriends in God, and I was able to laugh, cry, rejoice, and mourn. I was a hot mess afterward. I felt wrung out. Like a wash cloth that had been filled with water and then twisted and turned until there was nothing left but a crinkled, worn out mess. I was then laid out flat to dry out.
Sitting here in the hotel the morning after, I feel motivated to review all that I learned.
- I am a beautiful child of God, and so are you.
- Jesus did more for women than any other biblical figure. He embraced women, forgave prostitutes, healed all sorts of women, revealed his resurrected body to them, and called them friend. This was in a time that women were property, and no more.
- Joy is my God given right. I have a right to Joy. I just have to have the strength and the courage to live that choice.
- That there is no shame if I have to go on anti-anxiety medication. That I might not be able to mediate or pray my way out of my new biology and that’s okay.
There is so much more, but I’m still a bit overwhelmed, wrung out, and not dried out yet. I do know that I am not alone, and that my womanly struggles as a Christian and a mother are shared by the nearly thousand women that were there. And that, is a great comfort.
So even though with these health issues, and trying to figure out this new landscape of an anxiety tainted life, I still feel that urge to write. I might be derailed at times, but the engineers and construction crew are always working to get me back on my writing tracks. Because that’s the way God made me, and what He has created, cannot be derailed indefinitely.