We’ve been told a great lie from our youth. It is one that has infiltrated every aspect of the human condition for thousands of years. So desperate are we to embrace this lie that we abandon all higher spiritual reasoning. The lie is based on an animal urge. An instinct to procreate, ingeniously camouflaged beneath the ideals of romance and expectation.
The lie is that another person is responsible for our happiness. We are sexual creatures and as humans we evolved by mating with one another and for long periods of time to be attached to the person we mated. It is an evolutionary necessity to foster our very weak offspring. The most fragile born in the animal kingdom. We attach ourselves to our mates. We place upon them the expectation that they will provide for us, that they will protect us, and that they will ensure our survival.
But, we aren’t animals. We are only part animal, we are also intellect, and spirit. We are that complicated mix that has inspired the best and worst of artists. So, we ask for more than our partners can provide. No one is under any obligation to make another human being happy for the rest of their lives.
If we take a closer look at those common marriage vows…” to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part” there isn’t mention of “it is your job to make me happy.”
No human being is capable of sustaining another’s happiness. We are beautiful, complicated creatures driven by so much more than our libido. We are intellect, spirit, and mission. In my many spiritual travels, studies, and battles, I have learned that we are on this earth for our own individual progress and erudition. It is to our own individual destiny that we must stay true. Along that path, yes, we will meet glorious companions, sexual, intellectual and spiritual, that will assist us on our journeys. But to demand the expectation of another to be the captain of our lives and our happiness is unrealistic and ultimately disastrous for all parties.
The greatest gift we can give one another in marriage, and in friendship, is the dignity to be ourselves. More understanding than expectation. It is the only way to value the other person for who they are; without the tainted lenses of our expectations.
I wish you the best along your journey. You are a valued, glorious, human being with an amazing purpose upon this blue and green jewel. Allow no one to be the avatar of your emotions, and your future. You are your own captain. You have more strength and beauty in your spirit than you are willing to embrace. Embrace it. Your destiny is within you. It has always been there. Have the courage to be who you are and stop seeking it out in the embraces, and actions of others. Both real and dreamed.
God Bless You,
your dear friend.