The universe, or the divine, has a way of extending lifelines in my life at the exact moments when I need them the most. Many people would point out that this is just coincidence, but the numerous incidences in my life would indicate something more than just coincidence. The universe in its infinite kindness has extended many silvery, fine strings to pull me out of the self-imposed muck I get mired in occasionally.
This happened just a week ago. I was in particularly hideous rut. I haven’t had the easiest life. That includes my upbringing, my 20s and my 30s. I think I have only had five consecutive years of my life where there was relative peace and contentment. Otherwise, my life has been pretty hellish. I am not going into detail. One day I will tell my tale, but in a different format. Even through this hellishness, I have maintained a positive, outgoing demeanor. But sometimes, just sometimes, when an odd occurrence triggers some of the painful memories, I start ruminating about all of it. Then I spiral downward into a muck of quicksand. It is a hideous downfall of self-pity and pain, where I shout at the world that “it isn’t fair” and “when will it let up”. I am still in a difficult situation in my life right now that is just spinning in a vortex with no movement. So, between my past and my current situation I sometimes succumb to self-pity, helplessness and despair. It isn’t pretty.
I had been in this mire for a few days when a package arrived. I was opening it in tears; the type of tears that repel from the eyes against better intentions. The package was a first edition comic book of Vampire Mob written by Joe Wilson. Inside he wrote a lovely tribute to Marcia Wallace. She had starred in the original YouTube series of Vampire Mob. She passed away before anymore filming could be done and Wilson wrote a tender piece about what she meant to him. In it he mentions her autobiography “Don’t Look Back, We’re Not Going That Way.” In my state of mind, it struck a loud strummed chord. Within minutes my girl friend called me back and we were discussing how I was feeling and I kept going back to that title. My girlfriend reiterated the message of that title. It was the truth. It was enough to pull me out of the muck.
Here is the amusing thing about the timing of the universe. I am sure when Joe Wilson wrote his homage he had no idea that it would arrive precisely at the right time in someplace in the mitten state to a crying woman in need of some reassurance from the universe. He had dropped a pebble in the universal ocean and its rippling effect had affected me. It is such a cheesy cliché, but clichés have some foothold in truth.
He also included a little note just for me. It ordered me to “Go Fucking Write”. This is pretty damn significant too. In the middle of all of my personal turmoil, I have felt an incessant pulling to start writing. I finally decided to follow that dream instead of waiting for the exact perfect moment to start. I had been waiting for the clouds to part, rays of light to shoot out and a choir of angels to sing like some Monty Python interlude. Instead, I started writing now, when my life was far from perfect. I decided to start living the life I always envisioned for myself regardless of my circumstances. It has helped me maintain my sanity and pursue a dream that has nothing to do with another living being in my life. I have felt that the universe wants me to write in spite of the crap going on in my life that I can’t control.
My heart’s prodding and universe’s insistence on my writing doesn’t mean I am going to be famous, write an incredibly lucrative novel about an insane billionaire or even be published. I am just being told to control the one thing I can that brings me unequivocal joy: writing. So, I need to listen to my heart, universe, and Joe Wilson, and just “Go Fucking Write.” I need to heed the advice of “Don’t Look Back, We’re Not Going That Way” and write. It’s pretty damn good advice. Thanks Joe Wilson, and Marcia Wallace.
Check out Vampire Mob and Joe Wilson for yourself at VampireMob.com