Chronic pain, epiphanies, and the past month…

I haven’t written any type of a blog in way too long. Chronic pain will do that.

I have a bad hip and an arthritic lower back. I tell people I am the oldest young person I know. And, if you’ve seen my x-rays you’d probably agree. I am learning to deal with those two parts of my body that don’t function well. I took up yoga, which did wonders for me. Then my back flared up and I took a break for a week. Then, I got a nasty virus that turned into laryngitis, that turned into a sinus infection, that turned into an eye infection. Week 2: non-operational. Because I was bed ridden between dragging my ass back and forth to work, I threw my back out in Week 3 after the antibiotics did their job. I had to recoup from that. So, now I am on Week 4 of no yoga and my hip has been screaming at me on and off for four days. I really try not to reach for the bottle of Motrin. Relaxing baths and wine help, they really do. I went back to yoga today and after a month of not yoga-ing. I felt it. I REALLY felt it, and it was a beginners class. Oh well, at least I am not in back pain.

I have never been as sick or have been in as much back pain as I have been this past month. I learned that every extraneous aspect of my life ceased and all I could concentrate on was trying to get better and not be in pain. The exterior circle of my life became dormant, while the interior circles slowed. It was bad. I have a new found respect for people that deal with illness and chronic pain daily. And they still manage to live and smile. Also, I need to enjoy every day I don’t have a flare up and I can move without a constant, nagging, hindering pain.

During this time I had an amazing massage by my favorite masseuse. He is a god at his profession. Truly gifted. I had three epiphanies during that hour and a half of complete remolding of my overwrought muscles. And no, it was not THAT kind of epiphany. It was of the spiritual kind, not the self pleasuring kind.

First, I stress too much about work situations I have no control over. I don’t think I carry that anger and frustration with me, but it is really affecting me. I have learned to let go of things I cannot control in my personal life, but I am forgetting to use that essential skill in my professional life.

Two, I have to be nicer to my body. I entered into a conversation with my body and it told me that I have to stop letting my mind run it, and run it, and run it. I run my body worse than I do my car. I need to listen to my body and feed it fuel that will help it perform better. I need to physically take care of myself before I reach a level of pain like I did these past few weeks.

Three, God wants us to be at peace. He really does.That is all He really wants for us. He wants us to be at peace in any and every moment we are in. He wants us to be peaceful, without worry or stress. He wants us to walk around and be clean and sober hippies. Be at Peace.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

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